your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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