I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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