I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
