Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
