I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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