i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
