oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
FUCK WHALES
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
