giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize