Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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