I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
