her vagine was all disorganized.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
