STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
