never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
