i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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