Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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