you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
