when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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