so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
