I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
