I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
