Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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