we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
