new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
