Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
