Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
