Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
