She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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