Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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