Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
