careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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