so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize