I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
