I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
