Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize