May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
