your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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