The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
