dude i'm inner monologue high
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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