Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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