Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
