so let's talk penis.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
