In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
