They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
false alarm, still single
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