There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
