I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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