you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
