So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize