i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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