Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
