You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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