69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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