I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
