Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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