Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
