I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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