i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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