Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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