he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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