Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
