You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
