Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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