i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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