I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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