Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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