It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
