thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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