i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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