they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize