If i come over, it means nothing
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
