We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
