I want to make a zoo with you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
