I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's shark week go big or go home
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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