Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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