eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found puke in my bra..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
