Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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