cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
