Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
