He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
