im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Say something about gay babies.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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