I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
