I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize