my vag is so smooth its legendary
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
