he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize