is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
