There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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