Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
