she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
