In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
